you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Someone came in the potted fern
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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