Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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