I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
