oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
