C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize