So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
