Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
