Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
