So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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