You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
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