when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
