i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
the liver wants what the liver wants
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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