Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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