Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
