you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize