words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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