TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
