Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
