i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
