yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
