Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
