I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
only if we run a train.
done.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
