Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
