sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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