Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
