u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Hippo gnu deer
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
