Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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