about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
