I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
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