we're blogging at a bar
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
