I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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