I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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