Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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