Have you finally orgasmed yet?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
