please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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