That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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