I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
