i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
