Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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