dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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