being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
