I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
you have to choose: penises or morals?
it was like eating out sand paper
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I supernannyed him into submission
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
