I heard we made out
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
