I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
