Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Congratulations! We have a period
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