It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
