so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
