I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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