Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
