awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
