honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
