Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
