So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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