He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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