In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
this is an emotional support booty call
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
did i just pee glitter
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
