He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Hippo gnu deer
We just shotgunned beers for America
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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