Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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