We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Small penises have feelings too.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
