By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize