I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
