You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
