how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
