this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
