I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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