yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
i need some magic done to my vagina
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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