my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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