We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
