Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
