Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
