Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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