I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
be right there i have to get my cape
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
