when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
420 ftw
I didn't shave. On purpose
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
