Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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