Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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