Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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