You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I am midnight drunk by noon
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
