I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
